Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Wrong Number

When I first moved here, I had to change cell numbers (obvious to a move yes). Quickly after getting my new number, I began to get a number of phone calls while I was at work. However since my job is very Go-Go-Go, I normally keep my cell on silent as I don't have time for chit-chat.

However one day I did happen to notice the phone light-up for a call, so I answered it... why oh why??

I had an Indian accented man on the phone (picture Russell Peters making fun of his Dad), asking me where I was.

Well I knew that this person had the wrong number, and told him so. You'd think problem solved. But no, that's not how things work for me.

Guy starts telling me that he had gone to the American Embassy, however they would not allow him into the building with his wrapped package (geez dude, wonder why not?!). Upset, the cabbie offered a solution, leave the package with him, and he would return to the Embassy when this guy was done with the parcel.

All the guy had to do was call this cabby's personal cell number... which turned out to be my number. The guy totally though I was lying, that I was trying to steal his parcel. Took me 5 min to get him to understand that I had no idea what he was talking about and he had the wrong person and to call the cab company the car came from.

Meanwhile I'm thinking, wholly crap, I really do NOT want to caught in the middle of a conversation about Embassies, mysterious packages and strangers. Next thing I know I'll have my cubical stormed by Secret Agents and I'll never be heard from again!

Monday, March 12, 2012

It's painful somedays con't...

I'm going back to revisit an old character, Deb, the woman who couldn't figure out the futuristic birth-date (she's listed under It's painful somedays & Justifiable I say)...

I had recently made a trip back to the old stomping grounds and inevitably someone brought her up, giving us a good laugh and reminding me about a few more incidents with her.

1) On her first closing on a weekend (alone), one of the senior girls left her cell number in case of emergencies. Sparky was out at supper with her boyfriend and her family when her cell goes off. Slightly embarrassed to have to leave the table to take the call from work, which she will almost instantly regret.

Deb was finishing up the items on the check list, when she became stumped by something, not on the checklist but in her mind must be completed. So she called Sparky (see Justifiable I say for history on these two) and asked, "How do you turn off the fridge?"

Sparky, speechless at first, finally found her voice and asked, "Did you just ask how you turn off the fridge?"

Deb says "Yes, and I can't find the On/Off switch..."

So Sparky replied with, "Do you turn off your fridge at home??" (- If so this might explain a thing or two)

Deb said, "Well no, of course not..."

"Then why would you turn off the fridges at work?!" was the reply.

2) Part of our job at this workplace was to do Data Entry, however because of shift changes, breaks, work flow, etc sometimes we are short on computer spaces. We emphasize that people must log off on breaks and not lock their computers, as this shorts us a station that can be used when busy.

Deb was especially notorious for locking her computer, much to our annoyance. It didn't seem to matter how many times we reminded her not too. One day, fed up, I decided to shut off her computer completely instead of restarting it. When she returned from break, Deb shook her mouse. When the screen did not "wake", she tried again. Nothing. She pulled the monitor towards herself, looked behind it, baffled, she moved the screen back. Completely stumped, she moved to another computer and signs in.  All the while looking very puzzled at computer that was turned off.

I then took delightful pleasure in sitting down at the computer and firing it up as she watched, mystified.

3) We had one male co-worker in particular who disliked Deb on an atomic level. It was basically built into his DNA to hate her. Really it was... didn't help that she seemed to have a slight boy-crush on him and constantly tried to talk to him.

One day he made opinion clear, she came in for her shift and sat next to him. He promptly signed off the computer he was logged on and moved across the room. 

4) After a particularly trying week with Deb, her constantly asking the same question over and over, and after explaining a simple concept in 100 different ways and her not grasping it, I was exhausted and frustrated. The last day I was grateful for my break and a few of us went upstairs to the cafeteria. I was sitting at our table, waiting for everyone who was buying there lunch, when Deb, plopped down across from me. This wasn't her break time, I guess she decided she wanted to go with our group, regardless of the schedule (because of course why should that apply to her?!).

She then started to go on and on about something, I was getting to the point of actually being angry, as it was my break time, and really didn't want to have to be inundated it idiotic conversation as I was eating too, bad enough we were bombarded daily for hours during work.

Deb noticed that I was not really responding and was rubbing my head. She finally asked if I was ok. I said no, you are giving me a headache with all your talking (yes that might seem mean, but I had spent 1 1/2 years working with this woman who still couldn't do the simplest task correctly and who's conversation was as interesting as a stale piece of bread).

She finally trailed off on talking... and that was the last lunch she ever ate with me. I got a large following of people on my breaks from them on, everyone who wanted to avoid her chatter.

5) We were having one of our drawn out meetings one day. You know the type, where you're told, "You guys are doing a GREAT job.... now here's a list of 100 things you've done wrong (as policies/protocols were changed without us being told)".

Most of us find ways to amuse ourselves during these meetings as the Supervisor drones on and on about something that could have been summarized in 5 minutes (I know as I acted as Team Leader on occasion and ran the meetings during those times).

This particular day, we were especially lucky to have our Manager pay a visit as well, so we got an especially long winded version of all the "wrong doings" (in this case it was the Manager/Supervisor having no clue about what we actually do or how it was done). I was fascinated at how the Manager (a female) seemed to lean towards wearing an Alpine scented perfume. Smelled like a rotting Xmas tree had barfed on her. Also she seemed to be hovering over the floor somehow. Her pants were straight down, covering all aspects of her shoes, giving a her a slightly demonic floating look.

Finally I realized I had been staring for awhile at her floating feet and decided to look else where. What a mistake!!!

I happened to look up at Deb, who had the worst case of Camel Toe that I have ever seen on a person... I actually jumped when I noticed. At which points set off more than a few giggles around me, as everyone had already noticed and they were all waiting for my reaction.

It was like staring at a train wreck and not being able to look away.

And here is a reference for all of those who do not know what Camel Toe is, please refer to the first photo on this link, not the animal reference:

Just envision it 10 times worse and in jeans. Erkel type, faded almost to white jeans.

The Itsy Bitsy Spider

We were having our typical girl's night, preparing to watch yet another Horror flick. When one of Pinks saw a spider on the ottoman. Being the kind, nature loving person that I am, I brushed the spider on to my hand and moved to go to the back door and set the little guy free.

Instantly the other Pink starts yelling, "Spinder, where? Where?!" Hopping up and down on her feet, her large dog immediately getting excited and barking. The Pink who saw the spider however, launches off the couch beside where I had been sitting, literally jumping on top of Purple who was sitting in a chair beside us.

But during this jump, she kicks the ottoman into me, almost knocking me to the floor and successfully caused me to drop the spider.

Mini hysterics ensued for another 5 mins.

The offending spider was all the size of the tip of a felt pen. I'm sure a sneeze could have squished it.

Funnily enough, none of the girls were freaked out by the Ladybug infestation in the bathroom, where easily 10 Ladybugs were seen at any given moment.

I guess looks do matter in some cases...

Invisible Days

I'm sure you've had a day where you've felt invisible, everyone does at some point.

I was having an especially invisible day, where I narrowly missed two nasty accidents on the highway with people merging into my lane, completely cutting me off. Considering where I live, this is more of a norm than not. I didn't think much of it at first.

But once I got to work, I was walking into the building behind someone, a stranger, who looked briefly behind themselves right at me and let the door slam behind them anyway. No apologizes to me either or even acknowledgement that I swiped in behind them.

Annoying, but again, just brushed it off. But later that morning when I had no less than 3 people bump into me while walking into a hallway, I started to get paranoid. I'm not a large person by any means nor were they. You'd have to go out of your way to run into me in that space... or just not see me.

The coat of invisibility continued as at lunch one of my gfs walked right by as she was looking for me and didn't even hear me when I called her name at first. Apparently cloak was getting more powerful as in it was making me unheard as well.

The final straw was in the bathroom when I went to wash my hands at the automatic sinks. It took 2 sinks before one "saw me" and I was able to get running water. I checked to make sure I still had a reflection, just in case.